home sweet home

I'm finally at home. As I was walking the familiar and beloved staircase of my house to my room, I smelled the oh-so-endearing smell that I have loved since I was young. I don't know how to describe this smell to you. It is just a very special smell that I can only find in my home and I can only begin to smell it somewhere in the middle of the staircase. Yes, I'm home now.

Yesterday night, almost all my relatives came over to have a little party that I have come back home. I only stay here for one week but they just like to see me and to ask me how my life is going ... yeah ... Once again, I sat in my living room, with all those delicious dishes cooked by my mom and was surrounded by the noise and fuss of my beloved cousins and aunts of what to eat next. I also stayed in the living room after that to have a "women's talk" with my mom, my 2 aunts and my grandmother. a while after that, my bro came down and joined us but he just remained silent. Haha. After everybody went back home, my mom and I continued talking until it was one. Tsk tsk. Women are talkative, you know.

There's no place like home. Yes, it's so true. There is no other place that I can feel at peace like this. The moment I wake up in the morning, neither do I feel lethargic or stressed or tired, or anything of that sort although in the back of my mind, I'm still aware that I have tons and tons and tons of work to finish. But who cares? I'm in my room now. My mom is reading the paper. If I turned to my right now, I will see the half-closed curtains, and in the half-open part, I will see a tree standing there. My mom has just bought it recently. No noise ... just the sound of me typing ... I feel my soul being healed, my energy bar being filled up ... slowly but surely ... yes. There is no place like home. My mom also bought some kind of decoration made from stone ... which two lines of poem on it ... and i would like to share with you

"con du lon van la con cua me
Di het doi long me van theo con" (Vietnamese)

"no matter how mature you are, you are still my child
Until the end of the life, my love is still with you" (English)

Pardon my poor translation for those who know both Vietnamese and English. My mom said she bought it in a high-quality product fair. She said they (my father and she) saw two pieces of decoration of this kind. The other one is some kind of a teaching. She doesn't want to force any type of philosophy or moral values on me. she just wanted to express some feelings ... yeah ... I guess, now you know why I'm quite a sentimental and emotional person ........ coz i was born in an emotional family . :) . i will bring this piece of decoration back to Singapore ... quite heavy though ... but ... if u know what i mean :D

Random

Thank you, my team captain. You've brightened my day in the way that I have never expected. Somehow, you have recharged me and all my sadness and laziness just suddenly went away. I guess you are not aware of this. But you somehow let me know that I have so many more things to give and the small little burdens and nuisances should be just discarded because I will always have people like you here. You just appeared when I felt most lethargic and want to give up. In the morning, I wanted to say my life sometimes was like a sad song. But you came. you didn't do much. you just talked to me. And now, i'm ready to take this sad song and make it better. Thank you a lot, my team captain!

1 + 1 = 0

Yes, when 1 + 1 = 0, or in other words, when it is a one-sided affair, one party will suffer. You sit at one corner and observe the other party, notice those small little things that he does and find yourself endeared to those very small little things that no one notices except you. Or maybe a lot of people notice but who cares what other people see or feel about it, you see it and you feel something. And at that very moment when you feel the gush of strong emotional attachments to that particular person from your heart, you also feel another tide of cold reality pouring down from your brain, trying to stop your feelings from developing and growing any further. That cold, harsh reality is that you can never be together with that person. Even in your wildest dream, it will never happen. That person will never look your way. When that person looks at you, he see no more than another friend, another normal person that he meets everyday. It is totally irrational to continue to have anything more for a person if you have already realized this fact. But why do all these things not go away and leave me in peace? Yes, when 1 + 1 = 0, one party will suffer. Or may be i am just stupid and blinded by my own sentiments and thus, have the illusion that there is the second number one there. I guess after all, there is only one "1" in the equation. The other party is not present in the equation, we only have 1 + 0 = 0 ... just one "1" standing alone, leaving itself with no happy endings

smart

It's hard to be a smart girl. It's not easy to be smart boy either but ... to be a smart girl, maybe a bit harder or perhaps, because i'm a girl, i have not seen the various adversities faced by guys but never mind, let me talk about the adversities faced by a girl first. To be smart, you have to have a brain, to have an opinion and sometimes to be assertive and maybe even aggressive. But a girl, traditionally, is expected to be feminine, that is to be gentle, to be humble and sometimes a little bit (or not a lot) submissive. How are you gonna mix these two concepts together? Today, smart girls usually choose to be assertive rather than feminine. They want to be strong, to be independent, to be viewed as being able to do whatever a guy can do. I'm not saying that this is bad ... but i just feel that it is a bit dangerous. If you are too smart, too assertive, guys will most probably admire you to the extent that they fear you. BUT, a girl ultimately will be a mother, or in other words, a care-giver. So should they be fierce and be feared by other people? It's true that smart guys may find smart girls attractive just because those girls are very smart and will argue and even make guys plunge into the power struggle with them. Those smart girls make guys feel challenged and more compelled to chase after them. Yes, smart girls are attractive. But, are those characteristics of challenging and argueing a lot ideal for a wife and a mother. You cannot have husband and wife engaged in a debate everytime you turn on the TV or everytime, the child brings back a test paper, right? But it is stupid to dumb yourself down just because you want to be called feminine or cute. So how? :)

The answer is obvious, I guess. It is an as old as the Earth, ever-so-expected answer. Strike a balance. While you are smart, you need to be make your intelligence an endearing intelligence or in other words, a humble intelligence. Your intelligence should be the one that people love, not the one that people fear. In order to do that, I guess you must use your intelligence to serve other people. Intelligence should be built in the relationship with other people in the community. Nevertheless, there is always danger in every solution to any problem. when you are make your intelligence a humble one, some people tend to exploit it. This leads me to another observation. There are two things that are attached to intelligence, the cause of intelligence (determination, diligence) and the effect of intelligence (ability to do many things). There are people who love you because they treasure the cause of your intelligence but others love you because they want the effect of your intelligence. The latter will exploit you if you are humble. so be careful! you just cannot avoid them. there's no way to reduce the number of this type of people ... so yah, live with it!

Hmm ... i do not consider myself a smart girl but other people say so, so let just think of it that way. Just because of that tag name pasted on me, I have been suffering a bit from the effect of my smartness. I have not been able to find a lot of people who fall into the first category of loving me because of the cause of my intelligence. I'm thankful for the few who do but this gratitude sometimes is not enough to compensate the sufferings. Sometimes, I just really feel used. If one day, i stop being smart, my brain grow smaller, i guess those people will stop bothering me and i will be free again. I guess i will feel a bit of a loss after quite a long time having that kind of attention but i guess i will feel safer because those who stay with me are truly those i need in my life.

Unchained melody - Justin Guarini

Less than one week more and i will be back home. At this moment, i want to listen to this song again, over and over again

Unchained melody - Justin Guarini

Ooooooh my love,
my darling,
ive hungered for your touch,
a long, lonely time.

and time, goes by,
so slowly, and time,
can do so much.
are you, still mine?

i need, your love,
i, i need your love.
godspeed your love, to me.

lonely rivers flow,
to the sea, to the sea,
to the open arms, of the sea, yeaah
lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me,
ill be coming home, wait for me.

oooooh my love,
my darling,
ive hungered, hungered,
for your touch,
a long lonely time.

and time, goes by,
so slowly, and time,
can do so much,
are you, still mine?

i need your love,
i, i need you love,
godspeed your love, to me.

how do you communicate

Haha! I've become a bit addicted to this blogthing!!!

You Communicate With Your Body

This isn't as bad as it sounds, it just means that you're a "touchy-feely" person. You need a lot of affection in your life. And for you, this means both giving and receiving little touches. Warm hearted, you bond with people easily. In fact, you often feel a little sad when you're not in the company of others. A little moody, you tend to be controlled by your emotions. But a bit hug always comforts you!

How Do You Communicate?

What should you major in

YES YES YES

Your Scholastic Strength Is Innovating

You are the master of new ideas, techniques, and ways of looking at things. You are talented at structuring thoughts, decision making, clarifying, and making deadlines. You should major in: Marketing Psychology Desgin Cognitive Science Economics Photography

What Should You Major In?

How are you in love

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

coming back to my beloved blog

*sign* Yep! It's been a long time since I last wrote my blog. My life has been super duper hectic. Everyday, I came back at 6 plus and still had tons of homework to do. In fact, now is not a good time to write blog because I still have a GP reading package, the GP IL learning, Chemystery newsletter, Maths EPQ, GP essay plan, Econs DRQ, blah blah blah ... But I guess I need to take some time off to talk to my blog as a means of taking care of my batterd body and soul ...

Last week was the Economics Week in school. Hehe, it is super fun. Everyday of the week we had the stock trainging game ... yeah ... I was at the booth for most of my break. The most fun part for the game was saying, "you are losing your money". Haha. Monday, Tuesday, econs quiz for J1, J2. Wednesday, Thursday, econs talk. Hmm .. about the talk ..I think the talks are quite okay but the words they said did not go straight to my head as what Mr Lancelot Lim said ... I guess the speakers were trying to provide information only. I feel they lacked that bit of genuine sharing and undying passion. Haha. I guess lah. I think it is that passion that helps to inject so much wisdom into Mr Lim's words that they make so much sense to me and I nearly remember every words he said. :D... Oh yah, about Mr Lancelot Lim, this thing is super freaky. The other day, they were trying to tease him so they typed his name on Google and search ... and guess what? Google led them straight to my blog!!!!!!!! I felt my heart stop beating! Argg! Actually, there's nothing to be embarrassed about if people read my blog but because sometimes, you don't want other people to know what you think about them .. Hix ... but then, the strangest thing is that when I got back home and tried searching for his name again ... nothing came out ... I couldn't see my blog even at page 4, 5 of google search results! Oh my God, is somebody trying to play on me? This is scary ...

Conscious kindness! I don't like it. I have seen so many consciously kind people. They try to let you know, they try to let you see that they are kind and that you should recognize them, admire them, acknowlegde them ... But is it good or bad? Anyway, they are kind .. just that the way they are kind is a bit different. I just don't feel that it is very right. But then, on second thought, I'm wondering if I am conscioulsy kind also. People talk too much about kindness, praise too much about kindness, consciously hammer too much into our heads about kindness ... They don't allow us to learn it subconsciouly ... We learn it consciously, so obviously we manifest it consciouly to show people that we have learnt it .. so no need to talk about it anymore. After all, I do not know if praise is a good thing. It induces too much fakeness in this world that I cannot stand it. So foolish people are doing things just because of praises, or in the more practical term, testimony. But, like what Mr Lancelot Lim has said, "money is not evil. It's the love for money that is the root of all evil." Yes, we fool create the good things and make evil out of them all.

I suddenly feel sad because of one thing that should have made me feel sad long long ago. Yes, I should have felt this sadness long long ago and have gotten over it by now ... but I didn't and now, I do. There is one thing I have not realized that people come and go. Whenever there is notion of "coming into my life", there is always the possible continuance of "goint out of my life". There's nothing harmful to you when you are the one who comes and goes ... but what if you are the one who stays? You suddenly feel the some sense of completeness at one moment, the next moment, you feel the emptiness. I certainly don't like it. Why do they have to come to let you know there's a hole inside your heart that needs to be filled then they just go away, leaving it hollow again? Then, I realize there's one thing or rather one person, or rather two persone who do not go away. It's because they do not come into your life. You come into their lives ... your parents ... Yes, they were there when you were born. They are just naturally a part of your life. but you, you come into their lives and then you leave them to find something else in the world outside. It is just like ... the tree will never leave the flowers ... just the flowers leaving the tree ... But now, let me fly home so that i know there's one place in this world I'm safe .. safe from jealousy, safe from fakeness, safe from schemes, safe from sadness ....