my big project

I have a 1-year big project in my mind now. Let's say it is like another second blog. You may be laughing at me and be saying that one blog and I already ignored, another blog -- it will just die. No, I hope it won't. The thought of this second blog makes me happy and I guess I will do it. Maybe I should start now. The reason I'm telling you this is that you will understand why I may not be posting in a very long time ... Perhaps you are saying that I have something new, so I neglect the good old things that have been accompanying me and comforting me all this while. Maybe you are right. Maybe this blog is just something temporary that I need until I find the more permanent one. But I will not abandon it totally. Please trust me. Just that I need to digress ... to something else that maybe perhaps more purposeful, more personal, more private. To all my friends that have always been reading my blog and helping me through difficult times, I hold you most dearly to my heart ... but it's now time for me to move back into something that just me and my laptop knows ... until next year, when the project finishes .... :)

holiday

I've just glanced at the last day I posted ... 11/8 ... hmm ... yep! Long time no posts. Things have been going out of control. I'm no longer ahead of things. I've been chasing deadlines and meetings, and tutorials. I've become super productive. In 40 mins, I can finish the whole tutorial, in contrast with at least 1 hours and 30 minutes like last time ... but about the quality, I'm not very sure. Reading lecture notes has become the alien concept. I just tried to grasp as much as I can during lectures and did the tutorials ... no rereading ... Thank God my teachers all have mercy on us. Before they went through the tutorials, they still cared to explain the concepts to us .. otherwise, hmm ... I guess i would just be someone wandering in hell. I felt a bit of relief when the holidays finally arrive. But, looking at the list of things that I need to finish, oh well, the holidays also start with a grim view. Catching with reading of tutorials, trying to do as much of project work as possible, finish tutorials plus all those extra practices and promo papers that have been dumped on us ... then things are complicated by OCIP, open house and NRP. I've had no time to look at the OCIP big plan they have planned. I've had only enough time to take care of the upcoming chemical car workshop. And today, a glance through the OCIP schedule throw me into a horrified state. The project has gone too big ... too too big ... aroung 20 - 25 ACJC students have to handle aroung 180 students from Vietnam. No no! This is terrible! And from that schedule, I think I will have to work super hard. My econs soc people have to come in already. I will have to find a group of leaders already. Otherwise, I will suffocate, I will break down and die. Ok, never mind, I will have to be courageous. These are the things that I want to do. I chose to take 4 H2 subjects, I chose to be in OCIP, I chose to be the Presidenct of Econs Soc, I chose to be NRP ... and most importantly, I chose to be here, trying to make the most out of my time here. I'd better start doing something NOW!

how girly are you?

Haha ... i'm not to that extreme lah but somewhat there ... not absolute there yet! But the last bit is quite right ... haha

You Are 12% Girly

Um... you're a guy, right? If not, you're the most boyish girl in the world. And for you, that's probably the ultimate compliment.

How Girly Are You?

She believes in me - Ronan Keating

Happygrass has been complaining that I've been too busy to blog and so most of my blogs are just songs ... hehe ... and here I am, posting another song. I listen to songs for more than entertainment. I seek something there. I'm not good with words and so I'm just borrowing words from those artists, asking them to speak for me. and so this is today's song ... please change all the "she" into the "he" and imagine me singing to you my song

Ronan Keating - She believes in me

While she lays sleeping
I stay out late at night and play my songs
And sometimes all the nights can be so long
And it's good when I finally make it home
All alone

While she lays dreaming
I touch her face across the silver light
I see her dreams that drift up to the sky
And she wakes up to my kiss
And I say it's alright
And I hold her tight

[chorus]
And she believes in me
I'll never know just what she sees in me
I told her someday
If she was my girl, I could change the world
With my songs,
But I was wrong.
But she has faith in me
And so I go on trying faithfully
Forever in my heart she will remain
And I hope and pray, I will find a way, find a way

While she lays waiting
I ask myself why do I hurt her so
What calls me on along this lonely road
Why don't I turn around and head back home
Where I belong

While she lays crying
Cause she knows how my heart is ripped in two
I'm torn between the things that I should do
She deserves it all and I'd give it if I could
God,her love is true.

[chorus]

Sir

Sir is very unique. Sir is handsome. Girls in school whisper behind Sir's back how hot Sir is and I guess Sir will smile and perhaps shake his head upon hearing that. The first time I saw Sir, I thought to myself, "Sir looks like Jim Carrey." It was because it was the introductory lecture, I sat right at the back of LT 4 and I couldn't see very clearly but the second time I saw Sir, I was a bit surprised how Sir actually looks like. The next thing I wondered about Sir is that why Sir never opens his eyes fully. Sir always looks like Sir is sleepy. Hehe. Some guys in school don't like Sir. They think Sir acts cool. But appearance does not matter to me because what Sir did to me was so much more than meet the eyes. Sir is passionate, so passionate. "I love economics. If I'm teaching and this room collapses, I will still teach." "When your passion is large enought, other things don't matter." Sir is inspiring. "This is why I study economics: To help the poor, to speak for the weak, ..." and one more thing I forget already. I'm sorry, Sir but Sir has indeed offered me the answer to the question of purpose in life. Then I met Sir in my CCA. I didn't know Sir is the teacher-in-charge. I just joined just to find out my most respectable teacher is there too. Then Sir gave me a huge amount of support. Sir called me when I was super upset. Sometimes, I saw Sir a bit frustrated but sometimes, I heard Sir laugh .. heartily .. In the world where everyone just wants a good piece of me, Sir demands my commitment and faithfulness to whatever I do. Sir says Sir is very demanding but Sir tells me to tell Sir whatever problem I face so that Sir can help me. Sir wants both the good and the bad pieces of me and is willing to teach me. Sir adopts lassez-faire. Sir lets me do what I want to do and says, "I will be supportive". I remember after the first 3 months, Sir told us not to let anything stand in our ways if we really wanted to do something. We said we wanted to study with Sir but Sir said if we stayed in the school, after two years, we would have to move on and would forget Sir anyway so don't let Sir affect our decisions. Yes, Sir, after two years, I will move on. I will leave the place. Perhaps I will never return because the future is uncertain. But no, Sir, I will not forget you.

Nick Lachey - what's left of me

I will ...

Nick Lachey - What's left of me

Watch my life pass me by
in the review mirror
Pictures frozen in time
are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

[chorus]
yeah'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin,
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm brokenand I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

I've been dying inside
Little by little
Nowhere to go
But goin' out of my mind
In endless circles
runnin' from myself until
You gave me a reason for standing still

[chorus]

Falling faster
Barely breathing
Give me something to believe in
Tell me it's not all in my head
Take what's left of this man
Make me whole once again

[chorus]

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just runnin' in circles all the time

Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me
Just runnin' in circles in my mind
Will you take what's leftWill you take what's left of me
Take what's left of me

low self-esteem men

you people, low self-esteem men, low-EQ men ... you think you're very good ... but sorry, i don't think so! I'm under you, I won't reject that but inside my territory, don't try to exert your authority because I'm going to tell you off. I have little respect for men like you ... cheating in tests ... not blatantly but try to read the questions before everybody else does, try to extend the time span of the tests by writing even when the papers are being collected ... wa lau! you people ... too low self-esteem already ... You have no confidence in yourself ... you yourself admit that you are more handicapped than everybody else so you yourself grant yourself the illegal right to do things without integrity. You think you are very responsible. You think you are very capable ... but sorry, if i ever have to write a testimonial for you, the first thing i will write is a low-EQ and megalomaniac man. You think you're very powerful and can order people around? Haha, I will tell you what is the truth because it is I who have the authority here. I don't want to be bossy. I don't want to sound too proud. I don't want to appear scary or unfriendly. I don't want to differ any more from the humble person I used to be. But I will want to do all those things, especially for you. Don't you feel honoured? I tell you already. Humble yourself before me and I will humble myself before you. If you want to be proud and be my boss, I will splash the fact into your face that it is I who is the boss. WAKE UP, dude, if you still want to save a bit of your face. If you don't wake up in time, this post will not just remain on this online blog but it will be spoken by me ... in real life ... in front of real people ... so that I can whip you into shape and perhaps, work with you