the gift

oh girls ~

i've listened to this song. It disappoints me a bit but luckily, i then listen to another song ... let us compare the two ... one is from a young girl ... one is from a presumably more mature woman who appreciates love a little bit more

Beautiful girls - Jojo

[chours]
I'm way too cool for ya boy
That's why it'll never work
I'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over
Damn all these beautiful girls
We're only gonna do you dirt
We'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over

Yeah yeah

I remember when
I was hanging with my friends
That's when I caught your eye
You thought that I was fly
Right then you wished that I would be your baby (be your baby)
You try spit some game
Asking me girl what's ya name
All that ice upon ya chain
So I asked you the same
Something tells me that we have fun together (fun together)

I ain't easy to find
I'm a one of a kind
Oh when I dutty wine
I know your only mine
Tonight is yours
Tomorrow is for another guy (another guy)

[chorus]

You've been calling me
Leaving messages all week
Was your curiousity
Got ya knees weak
I'm not looking for a man
So I don't want no confusion (no confusion)
I took ya to the floor
Had ya begging me for more
But that was my cue to go
So I hit the door
I let you hot
With your mind used to running wild (running wild)

I ain't easy to find
I'm a one of a kind
Oh when I dutty wine
I know your only mine
If you stick around
Be careful not to fall in love (fall in love)

[chorus]

Now a couple months have past
Never thought that this would last
Oh everybody asked
How ya got a girl like that
But you should've known
That nothing lasts forever (lasts forever)
I mashed up ya mind
When I tell you lies
But boy don't be suprised
That I'm seeing other guys
I'm too young to settle
And you should've known better (known better)(ha ha ha)

Damn all these beautiful girls (you should have known)
We're only gonna do your dirt (cos I'll have)
I'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it's over

Let me have that back


Falling out - Keyshia Cole

Been sitting thinking
bout you and I am wondering why were not getting along
so frustrated cause what we had was a happy home
I don’t know what the situation is
but I can tell in the way we kiss
we don’t talk no more
it feels better when I’m alone

Sometimes I feel like there’s no getting through to you
like you don’t appreciate all that I do you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don’t turn and walk away

(Chorus)
Baby Im slowly fallin out
of love with you
I don’t know what to do
how did we end up here this way
what are we gonna do
I’m slowly falling out
baby im tripping off silly things
boy I need you to meet me half way
if you want me to be with you

I remember when
I’d be with my friends you’d check on me and make time to call
but how things have changed
now I don’t hear from you at all (yeah yeah yeah)

Sometimes I feel like there’s no getting through to you
like you don’t appreciate all that I do (all that I do)
you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don’t turn and walk away

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Don’t let ya pride get in the way
of something we’ve worked so hard don’t throw it away
I’ve been trying to make ya see everything you need
is right here with me

Sometimes I feel like there’s no getting through to you(to you)
like you don’t appreciate all that I do (all that I do)
you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don’t turn and walk away
(baby I’m slowly) don’t turn and walk away

(Chorus)

Losing my mind - Maroon 5

I don't understand this song ... but i still listen to it ... i like it in some way ... maybe because i'm in a farrago of emotions and thoughts that i can't explain ... i'm in a state just like the song, a state of losing your mind, going haywire ... Thoughts just come in and out with no real reasons, no convergence point ... a chaos ... I'm in the shock of information, feelings and the things i've realised and thought of. They are floating around. I'm watching them. Somehow i must find a way to put things back into place ...

Losing my mind - Maroon 5

It’s so hard, to find you
I’m standing right behind you
Streets are, much colder
Must mean I’m getting older
Why would you?
How could I?
These questions lead to good-bye
Now I got my freedom don’t I?

(Chorus)
I parked my car outside your house
Hoping someday you’ll come home
It seems the woman that I love
Is someone that I hardly know

And after all this time
I finally found a place to be alone
I’m terrified, I think that I
May be losing my mind

The shy girls, so humble
With thighs that make me stumble
Somehow, not speaking
Lets me know that everything
I go out, you eat in
Hide from the situation
You’re naked, in daylight
Wrap yourself up in goodnight
I’m burning, I’m hungry
Angry cause she don’t love me
You’ve got me, completely
In my own game you beat me

(Chorus)

I will be back again
No, this is not the end
I’ve fallen hard this time
But I’m not giving in
I want the world to know
That I won’t let you forget
The tears that you shed
I’ll make it impossible to let go

(Chorusx2)

I really need an anchor right now. Without the anchor, I can't find the similarity and what defines me in these confusing thoughts and emotions. What is my anchor or who is my anchor? Is it God? Is it just myself? Is it somebody else? I'm lost!

the truth

22/9/2007

Hi, Sir!

A good friend of mine has just slapped a painful truth to my face. “You are just an ordinary person”, he said. I used to know that. I used to know that I was not the best, that I was just another person in this world. But things changed. I became successful along the way. People praised me for what I have achieved. Things have become too easy for me. I have always got what I wanted. Most of the guys I ever liked would like me back. I got this award, that award. Yes, things have been too easy. So although outside, I presented myself as a humble person, always saying “oh, I was just lucky” when someone praised me, deep down inside, subconsciously, I told myself, “I’m good”. I’m such a narrow-minded person. I don’t see things that are beyond my scope. How foolish I was to think that I’m good! And when I thought I was good, I came to think that I deserved a lot of things and that people would like me and that I was someone desirable … so foolish! So stupid! Such an idiot I have been! How could I ever think that I’m good! How can I be so prideful! Why have I become like this?????????????????????

I thought I was someone very special. I know it’s just normal to think for someone to that he himself is special but when it’s normal, it does not mean that it is right. I talked to my friend. I asked him, “Am I special?” He told me, “To be honest, you are ordinary. You are not the smartest person I’ve met. You are still behind me in certain aspects. In terms of EQ, you are still quite low. If you are going to continue to keep this EQ when you go to work, you will fail.” I’m so thankful for that honest comment. You may think that this guy is prideful but actually, he’s just someone who is a lot more experienced in life than I am. So he does have the authority to say that to me. I’ve been drowning in the sea of compliments by others and foolishly, by myself. It’s time for a wake-up call. It’s time for this stupid person named me know that she is just really a NOBODY. NOBODY at all.! She is small. She is weak. Her brain is limited. Her strength is like that of an ant. Her heart? Haix. Don’t talk about it. She is super selfish but still thinks that she is very caring. It can’t get any worse. Her achievements? yah, she’s achieved a few things in life, but so what? Millions of people have achieved that. Millions will surpass that. The worst thing about her is her pride. Who can ever put up with her pride must be a very kind person! Please reprimand her in the worst manner that you can ever do so that she knows that she is just or…di…na…ry ….nothing fantastic …

…
After all, I thank God for all He has ever done to me. He is the one who has seen this pride of me growing larger and larger each day and so He talked to me through this friend of mine. But I’m really getting confused now. I’m very confused now! … ok … because I have never told you about this .. so I will tell you about this now so that you will understand what I’m trying to say …

I’m a free thinker but I do believe God exists. Actually, from what I guess, I think you should either be a Catholic or a Christian. I don’t know … uhmmm … so as a free thinker, how I perceive God may be very different from the way you believe in God. You may disagree with me totally. You may even be angry with me because of the difference … but please, let me share with you … As a person who stands at the boundary between the world of religions and the world of atheists, I believe God loves us all no matter who we are. Whether you believe in Him or not, God still loves you because God is selfless. Ok, this is the difficult part. I don’t know to express it so that you will understand. Ok, I believe that God does not talk to me personally always. God talks to me through other people as well. God is just like our parents. Sometimes, our parents do not talk to us alone. Sometimes, when they want to tell us something, they tell our siblings and then our siblings will then tell us that something. I believe God does that too. I believe that provides a balance. It is because, when I talk to God, God is never physically present to talk to me. Instead, His voice comes from within me. Thus, my own voice and His voice just come from one channel, me myself. So, therefore, it is confusing because I don’t know if I’m hearing my own selfish voice or God’s teachings. Thus, He does help me by speaking to me through other channels, the people around me. But the problem just gets more complicated when I realise other people have their own voices too. So, is it their voice or God’s voice when they speak to me? I know that this is very complicated but I believe it provides a balance. Sometimes, my selfishness prevents God from telling me something. Thus, I must keep a lookout for what other people are saying. And also, it helps me appreciate other people around me because God must love them all to send His teachings through them.

I’m getting a bit too long-winded already. And so, I should come back to the original confusing problem. Is what my friend told me this afternoon God’s voice or my friend’s voice? God saw my problem and He reminded me through my friend’s reprimanding. But if it’s just my friend who saw my problem and he himself reprimanded me then is it unfair to say that it’s just God’s voice and discredit my friend’s own observation and thinking? But does that matter anyway? In the end, I still know that I’m ordinary and that I still have a lot to learn and not be proud of myself. Why do I keep fussing about unimportant things? And do my thoughts and feelings matter anyway? So why should I keep thinking if it does not really matter? The world will not change even if I disappear tomorrow. So why I keep typing and thinking? Why why why?

And I have just suddenly glanced at my first birthday picture. I put the picture on my table just next to my laptop … My dad was holding me in one of his arms and his other arm was helping my mom holding the birthday cake. And then I know … my life matters only to these two persons … only them who care…only to them am I special…to other worldly creatures, I’m just another one, another friend, another student, another person, another stranger,…but to them, I’m the only one …the only one that matters…

Balance

Everyone knows we need to balance. Every single teacher asks us to balance ... but how to balance? Balance is really an art. I've been lazing around at the hostel in the past few days and i really miss school already. It's not that i miss school but i miss the people in my school, those people that make me want to go to school. Though i know if i go to school, i will have to confront with those irritating and hatred-worthy people but if i don't go to schoo, i lose a chance of meeting the godly souls i always yearn to meet ... hmm ... so where is the balance? I don't know yet but the only thing i know now is that i really miss ... <:)>

Walk me home - Mandy Moore

Will you listen to me? Please ...

Walk me home - Mandy Moore

Walk me home
I don't wanna go all the way alone
Baby would you walk with me home
Baby would you take my hand
Come with me now to a special land
Baby would you walk with me home

3 A.M.
You're on my mind once again
I must have been dreaming
Thought I felt your heartbeat just then
And I wonder how it would be
I was your lady
And you were my friend

I would put my heart in your hands and it would never end

CHORUS
Baby would you walk with me home (walk me home)
I don't wanna go all the way alone (all alone)
Baby would you walk with me me home
Baby would you take my hand (take my hand)
Come with me now to a special land (ohh)
Baby won't you walk with me home

I hold your picture
Next to my heart all the time
Ohh yeah baby

You're my dream come true
So then you're mine?
And I wonder how it would be
If I was your lady
And you were my friend
I would put my heart in your hands
And it would never end

CHORUS

Everyday and night I wanna hold you
Understand I am going to love you
In my own special way (in my own special way)

CHORUS x2

Ohh
Won't you walk with me home?