Monica - Richard

Do you remember how Monica and Richard in Friends were when they were together? They were happy. They were really made for each other. Not once we saw them having any big fight ... but the world is not perfect. They have only one major difference which eventually caused them to break up and have the most difficult times of their lives: Monica wanted children while Richard didn't. It's natural for Monica to want children but for Richard, he himself loved children. He, in fact, had children of his own. However, the problem was that he ALREADY had children. Yes, he had already gone through the whole terrifying cycle of the initial excitement of having a baby, the sacred feelings of being promoted to the position of a father and then, the sleepless nights because of the crying babies or the depressing periods because of the rebellious teenagers, ... Richard had been there and done all of that. But Monica had not and she wanted to experience everything herself. She did not want to skip steps and jump right to the happy old age for the retired with the one she loved. Richard finally agreed to re-do everything but his reluctance deterred Monica. She did not want to force him ... And so they split up ...

I'm at the stage of complications. Unlike a lot of people who come to the real world through the doors of hardship or of going places to learn from the wisdom of different people or of helping the parents do some work, I come to the world using the doors of the intellectuals. Please do not mistake me for being arrogant since it might seem that I imply myself as an intellectual. No, no, what I'm trying to say here is that I come to the world, not by hands-on experiences but by thinking. I am like an audience, seeing the world through the glass doors, trying to observe it and finally, understand it. Of course, you will scorn at me and say that that means I have not come to the REAL world at all because thinking is just nothing. Yes, I guess you are right. But this is the only door I have available to me now. I was not thrown out of my family to work. Instead, I was sent overseas for a scholarship. So my job is to learn and use what I learn to serve society at last. So apart from the occasional CIPs, there is not much I can experience from the real world ... so I guess I can only think about it ...

The problem with thinking is you can only see the problems, the issues, and perhaps the solutions but you cannot grasp the extent. For instance, you may know this problem and this problem exist .. but you don't know which one is more important and deserves more of your attention. And so I have got trapped, trapped in the circle of thinking, of round and round, of two equivocal sides of the argument ... and I'm confused. Were I in the real world, I would have been sure to figure out which side is more important, perhaps not to me only, but to the people around me as well. But no, I'm now trapped and am having a headache. Of course, like I always say, I am the cause of my agony. No one have asked me to question this and that and then get stuck in the crazy web of complications. And of course, there is obvious solution: simplify things. Oh, that sounds easy. But it's not. For Monica, she could have easily accepted the simple and obvious solution of digging the short-cut tunnel to reach the very end sooner and enjoy her life with Richard without fearing of getting fat because of all the pregnancy or becoming a scary mother every kid hates. But she didn't choose that. For myself, I haven't gone through the whole process of complications - perhaps getting deeper and deeper into a confusing mess and then eventually find the light and discover something worth knowing or eventually give up and discover that simple things are better or eventually be administered to a mental hospital. And I want to go through that ...

Monica wanted to go through the whole cycle with Richard but he didn't want to. So she had to find someone else. That was because she was not a loner (and in this case, did not want to be a single mother). For most of us who enjoy the company of others, we are also like Monica. We need someone to walk with us and share our frustration and depression. Yes, we need someone to WALK WITH US. We don't need someone to be at end of the race, waving to us and encouraging us, "don't give up! Just go! You're nearly there!" We prefer discussion and exploration, not teaching (I'm referring to the journey through life and not the education system, :D). We prefer dialogue and not monologue ... yah, I know I'm beating around the bush and have not come to the topic sentence. It's just because there is one point I want to say but just don't know how to put it right. It's just about the sadness and a little bit of emptiness inside when I realize there are some parts of my journey when I have to walk alone, struggling and balancing what I have on my own ...

... You don't understand ... you don't have to ...