The Page In Pencil

crying inside

2008-09-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

My mom asked me, "Why didn't they give you that prize?" And I'm sad. Yes, I am ...

...

2008-09-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

the surgery has been painful but I guess it has to be like this ...

a wound

2008-09-19T00:28:00.000-07:00

There has been a wound. It scratched a little. I put a little remedy on it. It did not heal but I thought it was just a small matter, so I ignored it.

But then it scratched again ... and again ... and again ... Everytime it hurt, I again put a remedy ... But it was never healed ... So I decided this time, I should take a surgery. I hope it will heal. But of course, there is a chance that the surgery is not successful ...

... just because I'm learning not to be afraid, to follow my impulses sometimes so as not to regret ... (thanks to the messenger of God)

Beautiful girl - Jose Mari Chan

2008-09-12T09:44:00.000-07:00

Beautiful song ...

Beautiful girl

Beautiful girl, wherever you are
I knew when I saw you, you had opened the door
I knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.
You said "hello" and I turned to go
But something in your eyes left my heart beating so
I just knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.

Refrain : It was destiny's game
For when love finally came on
I rushed in line only to find
That you were gone.

Whenever you are, I fear that I might
Have lost you forever like a song in the night
Now that I've loved again after a long, long while
I've loved again.

*Repeat Refrain

Beautiful girl, I'll search on for you
'Til all of your loveliness in my arms come true
You've made me love again after a long, long while
In love again
And I'm glad that it's you
Hmm, beautiful girl

sad or stressed

2008-09-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

what should you do when you are sad or stressed? I don't know ... perhaps I should read a book ...

One of the things amazing about humans is that we adapt. We get used to all kinds of conditions and situations. However, it might turn out to be problematic when we get used to all the luxury. For instance, I am not very rich now. So I dream about ... perhaps ... 10 billion dollars. But what if someday, I get that kind of money, I will soon get used to it and will not find that it is a lot of money. The same thing goes with many many other things. When you don't have love, you yearn for one. When you have it, you won't think it is a big deal anymore. And then, we won't be happy as we think we should be. How unlucky we are!

But what if we are contented with what we have? Then, we won't strive to achieve other better things. Then, we come to a standstill and we shouldn't be standing still, I suppose ...

Then, between a trying harder and harder and be happy with what you have, where is the optimal point?

... Husband and wife share a lot of things in common and also have significant private space. Again, where is the optimal point of that? Does the optimal point shift from time to time?

2008-09-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

It is a true blessing to be able to put into words what you feel and publish it. No one may ever read it but you let some of the things that have been bothering you out of your system

... aahhhh ... a cup of water to replenish what you have lost in the last 1 hour or so ...

Monica - Richard

2008-09-05T18:22:00.000-07:00

Do you remember how Monica and Richard in Friends were when they were together? They were happy. They were really made for each other. Not once we saw them having any big fight ... but the world is not perfect. They have only one major difference which eventually caused them to break up and have the most difficult times of their lives: Monica wanted children while Richard didn't. It's natural for Monica to want children but for Richard, he himself loved children. He, in fact, had children of his own. However, the problem was that he ALREADY had children. Yes, he had already gone through the whole terrifying cycle of the initial excitement of having a baby, the sacred feelings of being promoted to the position of a father and then, the sleepless nights because of the crying babies or the depressing periods because of the rebellious teenagers, ... Richard had been there and done all of that. But Monica had not and she wanted to experience everything herself. She did not want to skip steps and jump right to the happy old age for the retired with the one she loved. Richard finally agreed to re-do everything but his reluctance deterred Monica. She did not want to force him ... And so they split up ...

I'm at the stage of complications. Unlike a lot of people who come to the real world through the doors of hardship or of going places to learn from the wisdom of different people or of helping the parents do some work, I come to the world using the doors of the intellectuals. Please do not mistake me for being arrogant since it might seem that I imply myself as an intellectual. No, no, what I'm trying to say here is that I come to the world, not by hands-on experiences but by thinking. I am like an audience, seeing the world through the glass doors, trying to observe it and finally, understand it. Of course, you will scorn at me and say that that means I have not come to the REAL world at all because thinking is just nothing. Yes, I guess you are right. But this is the only door I have available to me now. I was not thrown out of my family to work. Instead, I was sent overseas for a scholarship. So my job is to learn and use what I learn to serve society at last. So apart from the occasional CIPs, there is not much I can experience from the real world ... so I guess I can only think about it ...

The problem with thinking is you can only see the problems, the issues, and perhaps the solutions but you cannot grasp the extent. For instance, you may know this problem and this problem exist .. but you don't know which one is more important and deserves more of your attention. And so I have got trapped, trapped in the circle of thinking, of round and round, of two equivocal sides of the argument ... and I'm confused. Were I in the real world, I would have been sure to figure out which side is more important, perhaps not to me only, but to the people around me as well. But no, I'm now trapped and am having a headache. Of course, like I always say, I am the cause of my agony. No one have asked me to question this and that and then get stuck in the crazy web of complications. And of course, there is obvious solution: simplify things. Oh, that sounds easy. But it's not. For Monica, she could have easily accepted the simple and obvious solution of digging the short-cut tunnel to reach the very end sooner and enjoy her life with Richard without fearing of getting fat because of all the pregnancy or becoming a scary mother every kid hates. But she didn't choose that. For myself, I haven't gone through the whole process of complications - perhaps getting deeper and deeper into a confusing mess and then eventually find the light and discover something worth knowing or eventually give up and discover that simple things are better or eventually be administered to a mental hospital. And I want to go through that ...

Monica wanted to go through the whole cycle with Richard but he didn't want to. So she had to find someone else. That was because she was not a loner (and in this case, did not want to be a single mother). For most of us who enjoy the company of others, we are also like Monica. We need someone to walk with us and share our frustration and depression. Yes, we need someone to WALK WITH US. We don't need someone to be at end of the race, waving to us and encouraging us, "don't give up! Just go! You're nearly there!" We prefer discussion and exploration, not teaching (I'm referring to the journey through life and not the education system, :D). We prefer dialogue and not monologue ... yah, I know I'm beating around the bush and have not come to the topic sentence. It's just because there is one point I want to say but just don't know how to put it right. It's just about the sadness and a little bit of emptiness inside when I realize there are some parts of my journey when I have to walk alone, struggling and balancing what I have on my own ...

... You don't understand ... you don't have to ...

.. my anniversary .. random thoughts

2008-09-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

There are just so many things that i don't understand ... so many ...

I've realised i have changed gradually. I used to be an understanding person, accepting everyone and everything they said. Perhaps that is just because i was naive. Now, i've changed. I criticise a lot more and become this little fussy and selfish person ... just don't know what i should do now ...

What does it mean by "partner"? Can someone please tell me? I used to think that i know ... but now i don't know ... i just don't ... Am I happy now, i mean, sustainably happy?

I have a little secret .. a dark secret of mine .. perhaps a fantasy. It keeps my heart feel young and excited ... but it's not right to have such a fantasy .... Sometimes that fantasy comes alive in my dreams and i remember being so happy in those dreams but ironic as it may seem, i never ever want those dreams to come true because they will put me into a very difficult dilemma. It is such a dark secret that i cannot tell anyone .. cannot utter a word about it. I can just let my heart feel it ...

We all want to be unique. We resent the idea that we are just like somebody else ... or maybe it's just me who feel that way. I like to think that I'm one of a kind but i guess that cannot be the truth. I don't like to fall into categories. I want to be one of the exceptions. Yah, you might say what i just said is ironic but i guess you know what i mean. Never mind if the majority of the world think i am just another one but i do want a few people to think i'm special. I know i do suffer from superior complex and I do try to humble myself but at this moment, i have not been very successful. Of course, i can defend myself that my desire of being special is just normal because it is, simply put, a desire to be loved and respected. But, oh well, i guess i'm just another one ... I have fallen into the trap of romance or maybe i am just pessimistic ...

Blogging is one way to have company. When you have company, you tend to blog less because all your anger or your frustration is heard by a real person. Besides, when you have discussed some problems with someone and that someone has helped you solve it, you will not be bothered too much about those problems when they re-surface. I used to blog a lot and I used to hope a lot of people will read my blog because as I said, i suffered from superiority complex and I wanted to assert my identity and tell the world who I was ... but now I don't. I don't want a lot of people to read all of these anymore ... I just want to let my emotions and thoughts out ...

Mr Kuna said he had some conditions that his brain would not stop thinking ... Will I be like that if i don't stop thinking now? ..

I remember one guy once told me that girls are always afraid that their romance will not be as beautiful as a poem .. but is it right for a girl to expect her romance to be as beautiful as a poem?

Loners are generally narrow-minded and more selfish but is it possible that they are happier than the rest of us who have to deal with all the complications of our interactions with others?

there is no other way

2008-09-04T01:16:00.001-07:00

you always think you're right and i'm wrong. There have never been any ways to persuade you to change your mind. You stick to your own ideas and stereotypes. Ok, i won't say that you are wrong but please be a little bit more open-minded to other possibilities. Things change along the way ... you know that better than I do but you don't seem to believe in that as much as i do ...

You said you wanted to train me for the real world since i have been so pampered in my life. Everyone praises me. No one wants to hurt me. Ok, i guess that is because they love me. I expect those who hate me to say harsh things about me, and then i will break down and then i will need you there to pick me up. I don't expect you to say harsh things about me ... or at least, i don't need that. You always say i'm smart but i don't think you really believe that. You just think you should be aware of that ... ok, fine ...

So, for once and for all, i will do something to make you see then. And i force myself to write it down here so i will stick to it and not give it up along the way ... sorry if you are not a part of this ... because i have asked you to ... but since you refused and hurt my pride, i', going to do it alone

Prelims ...

2008-08-21T01:50:00.001-07:00

this is seriously the most depressing times i have ever had!!! What does the school want to achieve from the papers??? They want to select olympiad students? oh no no, it is too late for that. Then WHAT? My goodness! I'm telling you, I was a lot more comfortable with RJ papers than this. This cannot be the first time they set prelims papers right? Why can't they set moderate papers, with doable questions and a few hard, more challenging ones? Exams are used to test how much students have learnt from lectures and tutorials, not to test whether they have explored the blind spots in the topics! Those are the things for researchers! They should not state "you are recommended to spend 1 hour on this section". They should state "you are recommended not to do the paper. You are far too stupid for it." I'll feel better that way.

2008-08-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

will i ever have what they have

...

2008-08-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

been a little bit addicted to watching short clips of all those korean dramas i used to watch ... "stairway to heaven", "autumn heart", "winter sonata" ... I like those movies. I know you will say that they are lengthy and too sentimental. Oh well, I'm so much in love now so i guess all those sentimental stuffs and I just click. One of the things that are quite consistent in all the movies is that the girl / guy continues and holds on to the love she / he has for another person even if she thinks that person has already passed away. I know you may say that that only happens on movies because we, in the end, needs to move on and take care of ourselves and our emotional needs ... but i guess ... if some day, my boyfriend and i have to part for some reasons, i want to love him enough today so that when we meet again, we will re-love each other ...

... the love that we share is the love that makes music and movies ...

Buc thu tinh dau tien - the first love letter

2008-08-12T04:18:00.000-07:00

one of the sweetest songs i've ever heard ... such sincere and genuine feelings

back to Singapore

2008-06-16T02:42:00.000-07:00

... ... ... it just gets too comfy back home ... ... ...

...thankful...

2008-06-02T21:51:00.000-07:00

Yah ... sometimes you just need to let the voice inside of you speak for yourself ... other voices just drown it ... yes ... it's been a long time since i listen to myself like this ... no other voice has made too much sense like this ... yes, judge me all you want ... i will listen to the voice of truth ... yes, i'm self-centred but listen to other people just makes me lose direction ...

save me from myself

2008-06-02T21:09:00.000-07:00

I just do not know what to say, what to think and what to write right now. Ever since i was young, i was told that i'm different, that i'm adorable, that i'm lovely, that i'm intelligent, that i'm one of the best things that have ever existed. Of course, i was told too, to be humble and to think of others besides myself. My mom has never praised me too much. She always reminds me that in this wide world, i'm just another person, special to her, yes, but not to everyone. But growing up as the only child and blessed with a not-too-bad appearance and the so-called above-than-average IQ does not do good to my humility. I stand out in my special way. I have never proclaimed myself of being the best and i do personally think so, too but ... my quietness, my silence says the opposite to people. They think i think very highly of myself ... too highly of myself to talk to people ... This just reminds me of Mai and the time we watched "pride and prejudice" together. I just can't remember the names of the characters ... just remember the fight in the rain when Mr Main Character accused Ms Main Character's sister of being prideful and not caring enough for his best friend. But the truth is "she's shy". Now, i remember too the time when Darren asked me, "you're very shy, right?" But the irony is that i don't look shy. I look confident and calm and it seems like i have the whole world in my hand. It looks like i'm of the higher class, of something different. I remember a lot of my friends writing in my autograph book, "I hated you when i first met you. You never said a word ... looked like you didn't care about anyone ... but after a while, i realise .... ". But the sad thing is most people will not have that "after a while" with me. To be honest, i did not realise the image i portrayed because i did not know enough to realise that. I was innocent. I took life as it is. I was unafraid. That's what makes me look like that ...

I just realised that i have rambled on too long. In the end, I remember what Zul told me, "you are responsible for what you stand for. If it's some kind of image you portray that you don't want people to see, it's your job to change it." I guess it's true then. Who cares about me? Who cares if i'm truly shy or not? What they see is what they see. What they judge is what they judge. I judge people too many times. A lot of times, i have been wrong. So i guess a lot of people could have been wrong about me. But again, if so many people think of me that way, maybe it's right. Maybe i'm the one who is wrong about myself. Perhaps, surrounded by love and praises since i was young traps me in the circle of thoughts of thinking i'm a good girl. Perhaps i'm not ...

At this moment, i just wish someone can tell me something. At this moment, i wish i have a religion, something that helps me out of confusion. But, being a cynical person i am, perhaps, too, the best advice can only be from myself because i will always argue with those who give me advice. And perhaps, too, like one of the pastors in my school said, "you don't have to know everything. You just have to know enough."

I wish I could split into two. I want to talk to myself, to sort things out ...

But i guess i'm feeling much better now ... as i just realised something untrue about what people told me ... i'm just shy ...

Reflections on "Sicko", a film by Michael Moore

2007-12-27T19:00:00.000-08:00

Time and time again, Michael Moore depicts how an average American suffers from the established system they are living in. This time, the health care system is under attack. Healthcare system is neither run nor taken care of by the government in the US. Everything seems to be in the hands of private enterprises. Once it is in the hands of private firms, the whole system deviates from the sole and most important purpose of health care which is to improve people’s health. Their concern now is money and profit. Therefore, to make more profit, they reduce their cost by paying less and denying people their treatment which will cost money. Everything seems inhumane. The movie truly makes me wonder how it is possible that the US government is not taking care of its citizens when it is so infamous for all the protectionist measures in trade to ensure that its industries and its farmers are safe from foreign competitors. It seems contradictory, irrational and perhaps does not make sense. However, the differences seem to reconcile when I recall how the American system has been repeatedly castigated for being heavily influenced by special interest groups. It then leaves the average American at the mercy of these groups. If these groups have less mercy upon them than upon the stack of dollar notes, I guess they can depend now only on their luck or on God to send them some good Samaritans.

After I finished watching the movie, I was confused. Should I believe what Michael Moore said? He is famous for reproaching the US government for not taking care of the Americans. Thus, in this movie, he may have had agendas and may have exaggerated some of the facts. Besides, what about all the textbook knowledge that I have learnt? My secondary four teacher and textbook told me that the British National Health Service was causing a huge financial problem to the British government and that it was inefficient and it was discouraging people from working. That was the lesson Singapore learnt from Britain and thus, it never has established a welfare state. Therefore, is the America just doing the right thing by allowing private enterprises to take care of the health care system?

However, on a second thought, Michael Moore is, after all, an American. The American textbooks and teachers must have told him long ago that the American system was the best in the world. Hence, what makes him turn away from his mother land must have irked him a great deal and must have been true. Moreover, as I dig more deeply into the notion of a welfare state, I think it is a fair idea and there are loopholes in the argument in the textbooks. Textbooks say welfare state has made people idle. They wanted to work no more because the state provided them with everything they needed if they were unemployed. This argument seems to me now simplistic and to some extent, wrong. The first economic principle anyone has ever known is that scarcity exists. People want more and more possessions which their salaries cannot satisfy, let alone meager unemployment benefits. Certainly, qualifications need to be made for those who are lazy and regard work as burden. These people simply cannot be helped. They will be the same in any system that they are in. Therefore, while the welfare state provides people with a safety net in times of need, if properly managed, I believe it will not discourage people from working. In the end, I turn to trust Michael Moore that the government should take more care of its citizens and that at least a universal health care should be established in the country.

As my economics teacher has said, being the government is very difficult. There are always trade-offs to be made. While those government officials are getting their headaches over the labyrinthine problem of managing the country, agitated citizens complain and demand for more. However, I have experience an epiphany by now. Governments should not care too much about ideologies. Instead, they should practice what is called realpolitik. America may advocate capitalism but there are things that ought to be done in the socialist way, as quipped by Michael Moore when he highlighted a few of the public services present on American soil. Likewise, a socialist needs to know incentives created by a capitalist system are fundamental to growth. Most importantly, there is one thing we all need to know. A few people in the government can never have the answers to all the problems that need to be solved in the country. Power given to every man on the street is thus, crucial. They all need to have a say. I eventually think Michael Moore did a splendid job in exercising his right as an American citizen. Perhaps he did far more than what had been expected of him because he did not only voice his disturbance but he helped other people do that as well. Bravo to Michael Moore!

Tenor Luciano Pavarotti dead at 71

2007-10-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/06/pavarotti.dead/

dear darling

2007-10-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

A letter to the Darlings

Dear darling,

I was missing you today. I was trying to concentrate on doing something productive, but my mind did not seem to be able to think of anything but you … It's amazing … it's unbelievable how the two of us can get together. I had been standing outside, watching friends one by one love and be loved, getting a little bit jealous … just like how when I was a child, I wanted to have the toys my friends had, seeing my friends in love had made me relive that childhood desire to want to possess what others possess. But, in one side of me, I was thinking to myself, “No, I don’t need this. I’m strong. I’m reliable to myself. Guys will just disappoint me. They are not up to my standards.” … and then, I found myself day by day getting a little bit older, a little bit lonelier, and increasingly thought love would just be a strange concept to me …

… until the day I found you … yes, I must use the word “found”. It was not love at first sight, so I don’t use the word “saw”. You came to me as a friend … then, gradually, I discovered who you are … “found” you …and found myself endeared to all the things you do … and then, the next thing I knew was I subconsciously talked about you to my friends … more frequently … and in a more special way … Gradually, every time I saw you, I just smiled. If you smiled back, I smiled even wider … Gradually, every time I heard the sound of your name in any occasion spoken by anyone at all, my ears became keener than usual. If other pretty girls were talking about you, I was scared … I was scared that I was not as pretty as them. I was scared that the way I presented myself was not as attractive as them. I was scared that they would catch your eyes before I could even approach you, hoping to talk to you like normal … casually as if I did not feel anything special about you. Please trust me. My heart is pure. It has not been contaminated with materialistic desire. Perhaps, in the future, it will be but today, it isn’t. So please at least trust me today that I really love you for who you are and not because of anything else … and then, I have dreams about you. In my dreams, you confess to me that you love me too … and you care for me … and we will always be happy together … and I was scared that dreams would always remain as dreams … But although I was hoping that someday you would actually love me, I would tell myself that being your friend should be enough for the poor heart of me. It was me who loved you dearly and it was absolutely not your fault if you would never love me back … I would still be loving you and perhaps slowly allowing the dreams of being together to drift to a faraway place when we finally would have to part as friends …

But the unbelievable has happened …when the dreams came true. Again, I was a bit scared … because my life is changing … but I could not hide the grin on my face … Suddenly, the world turned around and smiled at me. Suddenly, I remembered all the nice words people said to me and all the good deeds people did to me. Suddenly, all hatred, all grudges and all burdens were lifted up … I can feel love …And then, we see each other more often. I’m happy to see that you are happy too. Now I understand when it means when they say, “I could fly when you smile. I walk a thousand miles to hear you call my name.” … yes, when you smile, I want the whole world to know how gentle and loving you are … when you call my name, my heart is engulfed with some kinds of cloudy thing that stop my heart for one moment and then soothingly and slowly brings it to the world filled with love … whenever my phone blinks its light, signalling incoming messages, I grab it eagerly, hoping it’s your message. If it’s not yours, my heart is saddened a little. Even if my phone does not blink, fearing that I have missed the blinking light accidentally, I still grab the phone, opening … and sighing, “nothing”. Whenever someone comments that we look very nice together, I hope I do not blush too much … and you know when I usually blush? I blush only when people say out loud my deepest and most secret hope and desire …Do you think we look nice together too?

They say love is only beautiful at the first stage. At the second stage, love will be stormy. Love will be filled with uncertainty, anger and tears. If love cannot withstand this stage, love will die. Some people even say you don’t need the disputes and arguments. After the initial stage of romance, love will just fade. We are still at the first stage, my darling. I do not know when we are going to get to the second stage. I do not know if our relationship will survive after that stage and last till eternity. But let us not to worry too much about the future. Let us love each other with all our hearts today so that if anything happens tomorrow, we will not regret we have not done enough today … Let us not be afraid … Let us not be selfish …Let us spread the happiness we have when we are together to other people, let them know that two unified people are so much more than the sum of two separate individuals … and that everyone else will always have us by their sides … If anything happens tomorrow, let us remember that we have worked hard to arrive here and now … let us forget all the wrong but carve to our hearts all the right … and let us never to forget that love is never easy but it is worth living for …

Love you,
Me

blog at school

2007-10-12T18:45:00.001-07:00

i'm using my PDA, connecting to the school wireless network and writing this boring post in the desperate attempt to entertain myself. Today, most of good friends alr ponned school. the only people I see in school belong to cliques that I cannot break in. so what am I gonna do now? getting bored? I guess so. how can you not get bored when you look around you, you see competition takes priority over being humans? Let me explain to you what I really mean. You see here, my class is quite competitive. they want to win. they want to be the champion for everything and so that's left no place for lousy people like me. I can only be standing around, Hoping to be as supportive as I can towards my classmates ... but the more I stand around, the more I realise that they won't care if there are no supporters around. actually, it's my fault because I do not shout, do not cheer out loud .. and so they hardly notice me. You may be accusing me of being hypocritical because you think i'm very competitive in my studies. That's where you are wrong. I'm not competitive at all. i'm just doing my work. i'm just doing what I want to do. I don't want to be better than any one of you because I know very well that there will be ppl who are better than me ... but why am I wasting my time telling you this as if you would unde stand.. what I want to achieve in my life is not to be the best ... but just to be a human ... with integrity, with passion, with determination ... and with care and love so that I can make someone else's life a little bit better ... anyway, I guess you can just do whatever you want to do. I guess it's time i'm not going to care anymore ... as long as you don't invade into my life, I guess I just don't care .. but on second thought, I must admit that I will still care because I still want to be your friend and I want your presence in my memory as well ... your presence as a good friend .. but I guess you don't want it then ... or perhaps you don't need it. that is something of lowest priority to you now ...

are you a right brained or left brained woman in love?

2007-10-08T04:26:00.000-07:00

You Are Left Brained In Love

Cool and clearheaded
Tend not to get swept away
Dependable and trustworthy
Able to look at thing objectively
Honest and direct in relationships
Rely on standards when picking a man
Good at solving relationship problems
Ready to compete for your sweetie's heart
Articulate, a good conversationalist, and witty
Think overly romantic displays are a waste of time
A few serious boyfriends as opposed to many flings
Notice all of the details about your guy - good and bad

Are You a Right Brained or Left Brained Woman in Love?

how do men see you

2007-10-08T01:08:00.000-07:00

Haha ... a mix of a 5-yr-old girl and a 30-yr-old woman?

Men See You As Understated

You are an intreguing mix of girl and woman.
You're feminine, quiet, and a total mystery to most men.
Yet they often feel the urge to protect you, even if they don't know you.
You *are* a flirt, but you usually only flirt with those you know well

How Do Men See You?

leave out all the rest - linkin park

2007-10-07T07:33:00.000-07:00

A very nice song ...

I dreamt I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving?
When I'm done here?
So if you're asking me I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

exam

2007-10-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

As I was eating the biscuit, i imagined how Mr Kayden Lim would say, "I tell you. You'd better sit there and finish a 3-hour paper. Don't just take your own sweet time. Do a little bit then go and eat or watch TV..." Hehe. I'm sorry, sir! in the midst of exam when the hostel is like a macrowave oven and we, hostelites, are hot meat, steaming with more and more pumping of information into our tiny little brain, i cannot help seeking my comfort in this piece of biscuit after sitting for two hours straight to do some paper. Hehe. And now i'm online to blog some more. Ai yaya ... i guess you are extremely disappointed with me now. :). Anyway, this is just a random post to record down one of these slightly more positive moments when i feel rather at peace during this exam period. At first, I really want to compliment those people who live in the same floor and who are from the big land which bears creatures that look like humans but not really like humans (sorry for the confusion but i hope my friends are able to understand who i am referring to, haha) ... given the fact that i've seen little more than just the empty black plastic supper bag (oh, sorry, i forgot. i've seen the coffee bags you left especially for us to sit and drink coffee, comtemplating, "show me the meaning of being hungry", haha), the fact that you have not sneaked out all the biscuits and Oreos in our absence, especially during exams to feed your hungry stomach and your noisy talkative mouth at night, is really impressive. I must say thank you to you, really! Next thing, i really admire my teachers, especially my econs teachers for injecting some light-hearted comment at the end of the question paper for essay, "The end of the paper! Happy Children's Day!" i must admit there is something very special about econs teachers ... is it because of the subject? i don't know. They all have the same style of being quite relaxed and they do seem to be contented with life. I want to talk about economics now already but this is not the appropriate time so i will tell you later. Economics is a special subject, very special ... Exam period is always special. you get to see the sides of the people around you that you will never see at some other time. Is exam after all a good thing? Without exam, will they study? But with exam, have they really studied? Or is it just some frantic cramming? Is the saying, "easy come, easy go" true for this case? If it is true, I feel bad ... that means exam is just an illusion of people having learnt something when in fact, they dont. If it is not true, to be honest, i do not feel good either ... simply because it is unfair for me, and for many other people who yearn for true knowledge and sacrifice all the things we could have enjoyed. Anyway, it is time to get back to study or Mr Kayden Lim will really get angry. Haha

your inner gender

2007-10-02T04:09:00.001-07:00

Haha, time and time and again, it seems to suggest that i'm a guy ... hahah

Your Inner Gender is Male

You are rational, matter of fact, and quite dominant.
You like to get things done, without any emotional messiness.
You truly don't understand most women. And you definitely feel more comfortable around men.
No doubt about it. You're a guy - at least on the inside.

What's Your Inner Gender?