Today I have seen what people can do just to win over an argument. I was utterly disgusted by the things that person did to the extent that I do not want to associate with him ever again and unfriend him on facebook. It might be a trivial thing to you. But I can assure you that for me to want to sever tie with someone is a big deal. And the amount of hostility shown is just unacceptable ...

Faith Hill - It matters to me

"Maybe I still don't understand the distance between a woman and a man"

Baby tell me where'd you ever learn
To fight without sayin' a word
Then waltz back into my life
Like it's all gonna be alright
Don't you know how much it hurts

When we don't talk
When we don't touch
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love
It matters to me
When I don't know what to say
Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me

Maybe I still don't understand
The distance between a woman and a man
So tell me how far it is
And how you can love like this
'Cause I'm not sure I can

When we don't talk
When we don't touch
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love
It matters to me
When I don't know what to say
Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me

Kohlberg - Gilligan

Back in psychology class, I learnt that Kohlberg's stages of moral development. In his theory, he basically claims that humans go through six stages of moral development as follows

Stage 1: Obedience to authority

Stage 2: Nice behavior in exchange for future favours

Stage 3: Live up to others' expectations

Stage 4: Follow rules to maintain social order

Stage 5: Adhere to social contract when it is valid

Stage 6: Personal moral system based on abstract principles

[Copied from wiki]

One of the criticisms for Kohlberg's theory I remember most vividly is that from Gilligan. She said that the theory discriminates women whose morality may focus more on maintaining order and harmony in relationship. As a result, girls may be seen as less morally mature than boys. The view continues to be projected on adult men and women. Also, apparently, the experiments conducted by Kohlberg to construct the theory was mainly on male participants.

When I first learnt this criticism, my first reaction was to side with Kohlberg. This is because I felt that there was no reason why women may not apply abstract general principles to determine whether something is morally right or wrong. I felt that there is no reason why women may not free themselves from the social rules and obligations imposed on them and synthesize a few general principles they wish to apply to morality. At that point, I, arrogantly thought that I may have well reached the final stage in which I apply my own principles to judge morality dilemma problems.

However, recently, I realized that women do view morality differently from men. It might just be true that the majority of us, in a morally ambiguous situation, we are more affected by emotions and relationships than moral reasons. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that. But in this society in which rationality is valued more than emotions, are we then less correct and less mature? People have long recognized that women are from Venus and men are from Mars. But it may bring a bigger issue here. It is an issue of inequality. If men are more rational, will women always lose out? How do you ever rationalize women's emotions because our mood swings can be very troublesome? It's all a too familiar advice to ask women to think and not to put your hearts first. But how is it ever possible for all women to do that?

I just keep thinking. But I can't find a solution. Or am I just too much of a perfectionist trying to think of a way to reconcile the difference absolutely. If we are all so different, why must there always be the most correct way to all the problems? But then again, if there is no correctness, how is this world going to function at all?

...Just me rambling again...

i'm bracing myself for another disappointment that is to come. It has become a bit of an obsession to check my email frequently these past few days, trying to cling on to the hope that something better may turn out. Am I doing things in the wrong way? It's a little heartbreaking when I can't do things properly even within my forte. But I guess all of us experience this, you know, to want something so bad and work hard for it but still can't get it ... But is it ok if someone could just give me a reason why I just can't make the cut?

a word of prayer

Dear the Eternal Being,

For a long time, I have not prayed to You. But today, from the bottom of my heart, in the most sincere way possible, I want to pray for someone.

In a way, I guess I have committed a sin. My heart is not generous enough to continue to love and support someone. I can no longer take care of him. So could You please find some time to take care of him? He is an extremely good person. He has spent his whole life looking after others. He has always managed to find a way in his heart to treat every single person he met well. He truly is a giver. One of my greatest regrets is perhaps that I have let him down. But I cannot undo what I have done. I can only pray to You that You will bless him with all the things that he deserves. My punishment is the guilt I will carry for my sin. But he has done no wrong. So please please bless him with good luck, health and love. I'm begging You ...

thinklab_2nd April

I'm sitting in ThinkLab right now. There is one group of students sitting behind me who keep eating and talking. Well, there is no explicit rule in the lab that says you can't eat or drink. But it is a little sad if you act considerate to others only when you are prohibited to do otherwise, isn't it?

In the King's Speech, it is so much easier for the King to curse and swear. When it comes to vulgarity, he does not stammer.

I, too, can express myself only when there is a lot of anger and frustration inside. Other than that, words just don't come out naturally.